Happy 2021 y’all. I don’t know about you but I'm gonna treat 2020 like the time I was in a crowded elevator and farted loudly while wearing headphones and just never talk about that shit again. Also, RIP crowded elevators amirite? Cooties are for real now I’ma take the stairs with Jackie we got rings to close.
It’s been rough lately, some of us are barely hanging on. Me personally? Lemme share some stats: I have 1 wife 2 kids 0 life and I’ve been to the bar 0 times with 0 friends for 10 months while committing 0 murders all while keeping it 100, and if you add that all up you get 420 cuz PEDMAS.
I feel like we as society need a reward for all we’ve endured and I’ve got the perfect solution. We just... stop giving a fuck about wrinkles. Boom, your life just got monumentally better and it cost you nothing, it was $free.99 and all you need to do is stop caring about it. Throw out your rusty piece of shit iron and stop acting like your clothes always need to look like the day you bought them. And speaking of clothes, what are we even doing with polo shirts? It has a collar, but you don't wear a tie, it’s got short sleeves, and if you don’t wear it you can't golf?
Maybe it's one of life’s unsolved mysteries like how does salt only have 26% sodium and why doesn't cream cheese taste like cheese and why isn't it Chock full o'Beans and how do sushi restaurants ALWAYS have good avocado, someone really should look into that one...