Does tea give you superpowers?

My favorite pizzeria closed.  I know, I’m super bummed too.  I don’t even really understand how it happened either.  Like clearly I’m no wolf of wall street - my only involvement in “business” so far is a boob joke - but I feel like I have a basic understanding of how a business works.  At the end of the day it's like anything else, you give away more than you take in and you lose.  

But that’s not what I’m talking about, it’s easy to understand that a pandemic has an affect on businesses.  See here’s the thing - it's not that they closed, it's that they closed.  Somebody needs to explain to me how a delicious pizzeria can’t stay in business but my town has not one... but two vacuum fucking repair shops - thriving like a gas station that sells beer to minors - and I need to know like yesterday.  It’s literally unbelievable to me.   You mean to tell me that my town has so many people with piece of shit vacuums that we can support MULTIPLE repair shops and I can’t get a fucking calzone?  I don’t even have carpet...

Nobody else thinks this is weird?  Who the fuck is out there getting their vacuum fixed?  I saw a brand new vacuum on Amazon for $29 so I don’t know what your number is, but if you want me to lug this dirty dusty piece of shit vacuum into my car and bring it to you so you can take a week and a half to fix it, well the bill better be like $4, and also how dare you.

-Silky Johnson

Staff Writer