Can drinking tea raise your credit score?

I hate showering. It’s literally the worst.  If you’re one of those people who say “omg there’s NOTHING better than a hot shower” a) you’re the worst b) you’re a liar and c) have you ever seen a random person trip and fall and act like they didn’t trip and fall because that shit is the actual best…

I don’t have anything against showering, it’s just super inconvenient.  If you met an alien and they asked what a shower was, you’d say “oh so yea every day we get dressed but at some point we get completely undressed, then we get soaking wet, then we dry off and get dressed again” they would think you’re crazy, and that’s because it’s borderline insane..

And it’s not that I don’t like being clean, I just think we need a better process.  The Jetsons was supposed to take place in 2062 and they didn’t get undressed to shower, so I trust their judgement because they totally called robot vacuums, and I love my Deebot.  All that thing does is use electricity and quietly clean, a lot like my wife actually, except for the cleaning, and the quiet...

Don’t just do things because you’ve always done them.  Don’t let people tell you that toilet paper is normal, it’s not.  Toilet paper is the biggest scam in America, there is literally no reason it should exist.  If the pandemic taught me anything, it’s how important soap and water is - and toilet paper literally provides zero of those things, in the place that needs it most.  You’re just mushing it around, you’re disgusting, and you should feel bad about it.  Get yourself a bidet people, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made and I’m married with two kids...

-Silky Johnson

Staff Writer